āGo home mummy. Just go!ā āWhy am I not allowed to come?ā āBecause both of you here is just embarrassing.ā. And so it begins, aged four, and the small child is already mortified by my very presence. LSB and I have united forces to walk the small child down the road together, as itās her first day of school. Couldnāt come soon enough I can tell you. She slept poorly, with a tickly cough, so we were all up in the night tending to her, then from 7.15 onwards weāve been listening to her complaints. āIām getting dressed now!ā “Oh please donāt,” I implore. Ā Ā Ā “You donāt go in until 10 Oāclock.” āDonāt care! And I DONāT WANT BREAKFAST!ā She refuses to let any liquid pass her lips as sheĀ is āBORED WITH DRINKING.ā (so am I to be honest after that holiday but if this continues Iāll be back on the grog by tonight.) āI donāt like this school bag, itās ho-ble (horrible) why did you choose it for me?ā āMy lunch box is too small. You always get me ho-ble things.ā Exasperated sigh from the mother. āWill I just go back to the mummy shop. āNO.ā “Why not? Iām clearly getting it all kinds of wrong here.” āDad needs you.ā āReally?” Well at least someone does.
TheĀ grumbling continues despite the pair of us pointing at cats and dogs and blackbirds, usual items of interest to her. Ā “Where did we get her from?” I ask LSB. “Must I answer that?” he replies. Fair enough. My P1 photographĀ shows a small child with a similarĀ mutinous expression.
I feel sorely tempted to say fine then, clear away off,Ā but I donāt. And as we approach the school gates, a wee hand slips in to mine. I look to see if sheās taken LSBās too, for if that were the case sheād be instigating that we give her a swing, but she hasnāt. Lovely Mrs T is waiting at the door, and two of her friends are playing together at aĀ table as she goes in. āI am so, so glad to see the back of that one,ā I tell her teacher, who having had the older one last year, is well used to my ill-humour, “but I have it on good authority that sheāll be better for you.ā āCourse she will,ā smilesĀ Mrs TĀ with a confidence I donāt entirely share. As we turn to go both wee friends wave enthusiastically, and when we take a final peek through the window, one even pushes her nose against the glass. Ours approaches too and we wait expectantly for a smile. Then she grits her teeth into a sort of snarl. shaking her head like a bulldog with a chew toy. āAnd weāve to be back here at 11.45,” I sigh to LSB. “Let’s go and get ploughed into some caffeine.”
PS. Small child came out of school pleased as punch, only raging because she’s not in again until Monday, sinceĀ she enjoyed it so much. I too, am irked that she’s not in until Monday. Anyone want her tomorrow? š